Cognitive dysfunction

I never know what to blog about or when to blog but tonight it hit me hard that I am actually sitting here on my bed reading and writing and not lying in a hospital bed somewhere. I decided when I got up this morning that I was going to make a road trip all by myself, no matter how I felt, good or bad,dizzy or not,here I come! My plan was to go to Michaels craft store to pick up some wood to use for some projects I’d like to burn (pyrography). As I was driving, maybe ten minutes down the road I started questioning myself whether I was going in the right direction or should I attempt this alone and all those questions that go through your head like when your a new driver and have never taken a road trip before by yourself. I got confused when I got to southern pines and turned into the parking lot of Hobby Lobby realizing I went too far or didn’t go far enough down the road. I pulled over and called my friend and told her where I was a she pointed me in the right direction. I could have easily put it into my GPS but I was very confused when I looked at my phone and it said head North . Well, when you don’t know where you are and which way to turn, how was I supposed to know to turn left or right or go straight or turn around? Now, I can drive and stay between the lines and go the speed limit and know what all the street signs mean but when my GPS doesn’t have voice commands and I have to look at it while I’m driving then I’m in trouble!

I cannot tell you how many times I had to turn around and drive up and down a road until I saw something that looked familiar and then I pulled over and got my thoughts together and finally made it to the Burke outlet! I never made it to Michaels and that is probably a good thing since I totally changed out all my kitchen curtains and towels and changed both mantels decorations that have been there for five years and bought a few house warming gifts and baby gifts and birthday presents and really racked up on the clearance items by buying two orthopedic dog beds (I didn’t know dog beds were ever on clearance ) but both my dogs got new beds for $11.62 and they are nice enough for me to sleep in. These are really nice dog beds, not to mention, pillows(big pillows) to go on my couch and the birds even got toys for 87 cents and that is never to be found! . Please keep in mind I had a list of all the wood I wanted to pick up and all the different shapes and sizes I was going to get for these projects I wanted to start.

My mind was going in a million different directions going down the road. I could not figure out how to turn the air conditioner on so I thought it was broken and I was so upset I was ready to turn around and go home. I called my friend( Bless her heart) again and told her my AC went out and I was going home and she told me to roll the windows down and keep rolling, everything was probably fine and we’ll figure it out when I get to her house. My other intention this morning was to go drink coffee at Starbucks with her but I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and got an iced coffee with a double shot of caffeine because before I even got out of Rockingham I was sleepy again. I was really starting to wonder if I had narcolepsy. I have been falling asleep anywhere I am and even standing up in the shower, I have to sit down in my shower chair to keep from falling from being so sleepy all of a sudden, out of the blue, I think I could sleep in the kitchen sink at times,it gets that bad! This sleepy feeling that I’ve been getting, makes me HAVE to lie down, no matter where I am! I’ve been blaming it on the bronchitis and pneumonia and I hope that’s all it is.

So, while I’m driving down the road,I was probably in Aberdeen by this time( that is where my friend lives),I start getting sleepy again so I open the sun roof with all the windows down already and my hair is blowing in every direction and my phone rings. ( I have the App that won’t let you receive calls or text while the car is moving) . I didn’t know if you have your phone plugged into the charger it will ring and it will read my text out loud to me. This is how much I DONT drive my car more than ten miles, anywhere I go. My car isn’t new but it’s new to me and it’s got so many technical features on it,I’m not in the car long enough to figure them all out, much less learn to use them while riding in the passenger side. We just never go anywhere and boy did I learn a lot on a 45 minute drive there and back! The way MS works on the ones that have had it awhile and that are progressively getting worse, it really makes you doubt yourself and the people you are around. It makes you wonder what people think that are around you and if you really sound as dumb as you feel. I know I do and I also know that I say and do a lot of things that I normally would not have done prior to this disease.

I know by now you are probably wondering what am I trying to tell my readers? I am trying to tell you all that my mind and many other people with progressive MS do not know how to make decisions when our cognitive functions start dysfunctioning ,if that even makes sense. I truly do not know how I made it to my friends house and back home today. I do not remember getting in the car this morning and I don’t remember how I even got to the Burke outlet or to my friends house. She will tell you I was there and that I was fine, that I was just sleepy because I didn’t tell her I was confused, I just told her I couldn’t remember where Michaels was and she told me and then she text me her address so I could find her house. (I had never been to her house until today) Like I said, my husband and I never go anywhere and here lately when I do go somewhere its always with Sheila and she and I do not do well together when it comes to driving! We could make a movie and give everyone a pretty good laugh on how to take a road trip with two non essential females that could care less where we are going as long as we get there that day and and get home in one piece. we always have a good time together,no matter what the outcome.

When I was leaving her house,pulling out of the driveway, I couldn’t remember which way I came in. If my head wasn’t attached to my body I really would leave it somewhere and not be able to find it. I’m not always this confused every day but at least five days out of seven and that’s why I’m driving everyone crazy and that’s why I think I don’t have any friends or family that cares because I can’t remember the last time I talked to someone unless it’s my husband( he calls me almost every hour of the day) because I stay confused to remind me to do simple things that most people don’t think twice about but Mike knows me well enough, he knows the things that I forget about and even the things I can remember but he still reminds me to make sure all is well. These are the things that my friends don’t know about me that don’t talk to me on a regular basis since our lives are so chaotic right now and they just think I’m being aggravating. I really do not remember much of anything and I’m not the only one with MS that has dysfunctional cognitive issues so I’m hoping you will read the comments later on from the other ones that are as confused as I am on a daily basis,maybe they can help enlighten you on this subject. I am just thankful I am at home and in my bed and that Jesus took the wheel and brought me home safe and sound! Have a great rest of the week and thank you for reading my confusing blog that probably made no sense to anyone but my fellow MSers!